Saturday, April 24, 2010

Jennifer Anniston'd

I was at a friend's pool the other day, looking at a magazine that was featuring a story on Jennifer Anniston. He leaned over to see what I was looking at.....

Me: "Damn, she has a good body. It sure would be nice to look that good."
Him: "Yeah, well there must be something wrong with her because men always leave her."
Me: "Oh yeah? Well, men always leave me too. I'd at least like to have a good body."
Him: "Oh. I see your point."

Friday, March 5, 2010

That's just wrong

Is it just me, or is it annoying to anyone else when cable companies play commercials for businesses that don't exist in your town? Hey, thanks for showing a Dave & Buster's commercial, but the closest one is SIX HOURS AWAY!!!! I want to "eat, drink, and play" too!! That's just wrong.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Ashy, you say?.....

Sara and I saw this in WalMart last year and I couldn't pass up taking a picture.






















So, let me get this straight......Ashy is now a "real" word and not just a UMC-ism? I was baffled and had to get to the root of this word evolution. So, of course,  I googled it.

According to the free online dictionary - ash·y (sh)
      adj. ash·i·er, ash·i·est
      1. Of, relating to, or covered with ashes.
      2. Having the color of ashes; pale.

And then I found the urban dictionary definition (complete with the word used in a sentence, so as not to cause confusion)
       - ashy: When a negro's skin so dry it looks like they a white folk who been workin' in a coal mine.
             Ex. Damn, Sheila skin be ashy.....she need some cocoa butter to moisten up.

.........And I quote. Thanks, WalMart and google.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

God's Property

Seen in a Cracker Barrel parking lot......


And then I zoomed out......



'Nuf said.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Anti-Green (the new Black)

Let me just start by clarifying.......I am no hippie, tree hugging, granola crunching, Go-Green Nazi (not that there's anything wrong with that if you're reading this and are). HOWEVER, I like to think that I do keep Mother Earth in the back of my mind. Okay, scratch that. I'm terrible at the whole recycle thing (that sounds way worse when typed), but I have started this.......Several months ago, I bought some recycling grocery bags at Sams and I bring those when I go grocery shopping so as not to use the plastic ones. They are rather large, but I have four and don't mind loading them down to keep from using the ones at the grocery store. I have also, in the past year, asked checkout people not to bag up small items that I can carry, just telling them "I don't need a bag for this". I figure these things are the LEAST I can do considering the fact that I drive a Jeep Cherokee. Anyhow, lest we judge.....

What has amazed me is the "backlash" that I have received from people working at the stores while trying these simple recycling tools (to the point of looking at me like I am doing something WRONG. ????). A few scenarios:

1. When I've asked not to bag small items that I can carry, I've had a few people just say "okay", then throw the bags in the trash under the counter. DOH!!! Nice. Throw away that perfectly unused plastic bag because it can't be REUSED with the next customer.

2. The other day at Brookshires I told the lady, "I have my own bags". She says okay and hands them to the bagger guy. As he's bagging he says, "Whoa, these are big". I nod and smile (because what else can you say when John Madden states the obvious. Yes, they are quite big). And as he helps me wheel my cart to my car, he feels the need to add (as he grunts/laughs under his breath)...."Musta takin a LOT of bags to make this one." As if saying, "Stupid lady. You could've just used a bunch of plastic bags instead of using this big one". I promptly replied, "Well, I've reused these bags 50 or 60 times, so I'm PRETTY SURE it's been worth it". Ass (I didn't say this out loud)

And the last........(my personal favorite)

3. We were in Grayton Beach, FL last August on family vacation. One afternoon, my brother and I stepped out to pick up a few things for the house (chips, dip, beer, non caffeinated soft drinks for the pregnant sister....you know, the essentials). Anyway, we get up to the counter at the Totes-em and pay the clerk. Now keep in mind, he and I carried the items up to the counter. We did not require a buggy or even one of those carry-basket-things to get them to the counter. So anyway, we pay the lady and she grabs a plastic bag to start bagging up the items. I said, "Oh, don't worry about it. We don't need a bag. We'll just carry them". The fact that she then looked at me like I had three heads and was speaking Greek, I felt the need to further exlain. "Oh, you know. It's my little contribution to helping Mother Earth". She looks at me in disgust (disgust you say??? Why, yes) and says........"Oh yeah, way to save all those PLASTIC trees." (like I was the idiot) And she didn't stop with that. She repeats this statment, in varying forms, maybe three more times. I was in such complete shock that I just walked out of the store, eyes wide, shaking my head. Yes ME, Queen of No Filter, said nothing back. I was so shocked in the store that I hadn't really realized/heard that she had repeated it three or four times until we got outside and my brother told me. What I wanted to do was go back in the store and say, "NO! NOT SAVING 'PLASTIC TREES' YOU IG-NANT MORON. TRYING TO KEEP FROM USING THOSE PLASTIC BAGS THAT......I don't know......END UP IN THE DUMP AND NEVER BREAK DOWN!!!!". But I didn't.....Because that woman was old and she looked "road hard". And she looked like she might have been in a few fights (and I haven't). AND she looked like she had been working in that Totes-em in Grayton Beach for a while and probably knew people who could kick my ass (in case she couldn't leave her register and do it herself).